If you’ve been reading my blogs, you know I stick to less personal topics. Not this month.
One of the reasons I chose to pursue Yoga Therapy is because it puts me on the hook. And in fact I am constantly reminded in training that if I don’t practice what I teach my clients, it can undermine my ability to appropriately and effectively adapt the practice to meet the student’s needs. I also recall that when I started thinking about leaving the corporate world, I specifically set out to explore work that would allow me to feel strongly in service to others. When the ah-ha moment came with a certainty I’ve known only a few other times in my life, it propelled me to jump into a four year certification program for which I had to wait over a year before starting.
But the growth of Rocky Mountain Yoga has come at it’s own speed, which hasn’t been fast enough for me. This has caused anxiety, sleeplessness and the mid back pain I used to get, pain I eventually realized is a barometer of my mental, emotional and spiritual health (do you have such a barometer?). I don’t know why I thought I would be immune to the counsel I heard from so many. Building a referral based business takes years. I’ve learned it’s not only building clients’ trust in me but more importantly, building self-trust, trust in my own knowledge and abilities.
I started to look for a second job, all the while swallowing hard. I realize that I’ve been gripping too hard trying to make things happen. And then, as my gripping* knuckles turned white, fear set in and a quote I came across from Rumi: “Move, but don’t move the way fear makes you move.” I wrote this in a dry eraser on my bathroom mirror so I am mindful of not moving in a direction driven by fear. Not only has Rumi offered me guidance but also, an ever-present theme over these past several weeks has allowed me to loosen my grip. The theme is one of untethering to what I think should happen and surrendering to whatever may present. Saying “yes” to it all. To be continued.
“The only permanent solution to your problems is to go inside and let go of the part of you that seems to have so many problems with reality. Once you do that, you’ll be clear enough to deal with what’s left.” ~ Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself (I highly recommend the audio version-this was a life changer for me)
“Am I better off making up an alternate reality in my mind and then fighting with reality to make it be my way, or am I better off letting go of what I want and serving the same forces of reality that managed to create the entire perfection of the universe around me?” ~ Michael A. Singer, The Surrender Experiment: My Journey Into Life’s Perfection
“If you align in any moment with the flow of life as it presents itself, all will unfold in the right way at the right time with a certain spontaneity and ease.” ~ Tosha Silver’s book Outrageous Openness
* The Yoga Sutras (11.3) tell us that not only attachment but also, aversion, ego, clinging to life and ignorance – known as the klesas in sanskrit – obstruct the mind from realizing its true nature.